A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears 'ribbit 9 iron.'
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears 'ribbit 9 iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts the club away and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked!
He says to the frog, 'Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies 'ribbit lucky frog.'
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
'What do you think frog' the man asks. 'Ribbit 3 wood' states the lucky frog.
The guy takes out a 3 wood and, boom! Hole in one...
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog 'OK where to next?'
To this the frog replies 'ribbit Las Vegas.'
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says 'OK frog, now what?' The frog says, 'ribbit roulette.'
Upon approaching the roulette table the man asks, 'what do you think I should bet?'
The frog replies, 'ribbit $3,000, black 6.'
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
BOOM! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, 'frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'
The frog replies, 'ribbit kiss me.'
He figures why not since after all the frog did for him he deserves it..
With a kiss the frog turns into a gorgeous 16-year-old girl.
'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room!
Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 297
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
A Frog's Story
The parent, not the coach.
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 297
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Father and Son
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replies......"Divorce Attorney!"
glass10
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replies......"Divorce Attorney!"
glass10
The parent, not the coach.
- youthathletics
- Posts: 14963
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:36 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
How was it? I have not been there since I worked on the construction project to build the place, then watched them bring in the sr71.6x6 wrote:I saw this one. https://goo.gl/images/wKi4xc
I actually saw him while the wife and I were visiting the Udvar-Hazy museum last Sunday. He looked ok then. salut
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
~Livy
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 297
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Jims taking a shower when he hears the door bell ring at which point he tells his wife (Jackie) to "Please" answer it.
Wife opens the door and it's her neighbor John who says "Hi Jackie".
Jackie asks John how she can help him? John says ....Jackie I'll give you $800.00 cash right here and now if you show me your breasts.
Jackie doesn't believe what she is hearing at which point John pulls out 8 crisp $100.00 dollar bills and again says ,"All yours for showing me your breasts"
Jackie smiles and shows John her breasts at which point John smiles back and hands her the money then walks away.
Jackie closes the door and heads back in at which point Jim yells out ," Who was it"? Jackie replies ", It was nothing...just John.
Jim replies ,"Did he pay me the $800.00 he owes me"?
Wife opens the door and it's her neighbor John who says "Hi Jackie".
Jackie asks John how she can help him? John says ....Jackie I'll give you $800.00 cash right here and now if you show me your breasts.
Jackie doesn't believe what she is hearing at which point John pulls out 8 crisp $100.00 dollar bills and again says ,"All yours for showing me your breasts"
Jackie smiles and shows John her breasts at which point John smiles back and hands her the money then walks away.
Jackie closes the door and heads back in at which point Jim yells out ," Who was it"? Jackie replies ", It was nothing...just John.
Jim replies ,"Did he pay me the $800.00 he owes me"?
The parent, not the coach.
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
..
"The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog." - Calvin, to Hobbes
- youthathletics
- Posts: 14963
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:36 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
~Livy
- ChairmanOfTheBoard
- Posts: 967
- Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 8:40 pm
- Location: Having a beer with CWBJ in Helsinki, Finland
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
The Romaine Empire has Fallen... Caesar is dead...
Lettuce pray.....
https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2 ... 0cc86febba
salad days, romaine calm, this is just the tip of the iceberg
You say romaine, I say ptomaine, let's call the whole thing off.
Lettuce pray.....
https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2 ... 0cc86febba
salad days, romaine calm, this is just the tip of the iceberg
You say romaine, I say ptomaine, let's call the whole thing off.
There are 29,413,039 corporations in America; but only one Chairman of the Board.
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 297
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
1950s 1960s 1970s - Nukes will kill us
1980s 1990s 2000s - Biological weapons will kill us.
2017 - Clowns will kill us
2018 - Lettuce will kill us.
1980s 1990s 2000s - Biological weapons will kill us.
2017 - Clowns will kill us
2018 - Lettuce will kill us.
ChairmanOfTheBoard wrote:The Romaine Empire has Fallen... Caesar is dead...
Lettuce pray.....
https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2 ... 0cc86febba
salad days, romaine calm, this is just the tip of the iceberg
You say romaine, I say ptomaine, let's call the whole thing off.
The parent, not the coach.
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
How many----Dogs in hot dogs;Greeks in a Greek salad; Dubliners in Irish coffee;How much ham is in a hamburger-----you get the drift.
- youthathletics
- Posts: 14963
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:36 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Shouldn't they be called Ham dogs and Hot burgers?wahoomurf wrote:How much ham is in a hamburger
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
~Livy
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Let us review the lettuce situation.Interesting."Guns don't kill" but "romaine does". Two very easy solutions----don't eat romaine lettuce and don't allow yourself to get shot.
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
A shame that post has to be in the "Jokes" thread, Murf...right?
..
..
"The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog." - Calvin, to Hobbes
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
It is fungible.This is just a starting point.dislaxxic wrote:A shame that post has to be in the "Jokes" thread, Murf...right?
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
An atheist is walking through the woods on a beautiful day when a bear appears and starts chasing him. The bear catches him and just as the bear raises his big, massive paw, the atheist cries, "God help me!"
Just then, time freezes and the voice of God says, "Your entire life has been spent denying my existence and downplaying the glory of my creations and now you want my help?"
The atheist replies, "You're right, God. That would be hypocritical. Can you at least make the bear a Christian?" God says, "You got it."
Time resumes and the bear suddenly drops to his knees, crosses himself and says, "Thank you oh Lord for this thy bounty I am about to receive."
DEO GRATIAS!
Just then, time freezes and the voice of God says, "Your entire life has been spent denying my existence and downplaying the glory of my creations and now you want my help?"
The atheist replies, "You're right, God. That would be hypocritical. Can you at least make the bear a Christian?" God says, "You got it."
Time resumes and the bear suddenly drops to his knees, crosses himself and says, "Thank you oh Lord for this thy bounty I am about to receive."
DEO GRATIAS!
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 297
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
The Spoon!
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
'If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
'If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.
The parent, not the coach.
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 297
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.