No, I don't take it as an attack. Thanks for making that clear, though.Matnum PI wrote: ↑Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:44 pmI ask this as a sincere question, not as an attack: Is it possible that you say this as a rationalization? There are tangible benefits to being a member of a club of this ilk and, maybe, these benefits were a, so to speak, bribe to convince you to be a member. Along the same lines, there was a similar club near me where I was raised as a boy and... I wouldn't want to be associated with the name of this Country Club. Everyone knew their policies and, at least for me, their policies were the first thing I would think of when i heard the Country club's name and... I wouldn't want to be associated with this? Do you feel the same about this club? Third and final question, with so many people within the club that don't share your values, why hang out with them? Did seeing them disgust you? Again, none of these questions are meant as an attack. More a curiosity.MDlaxfan76 wrote: ↑Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:57 pmI explained quite clearly that I thought I could have an impact from within the power structure.
Sure, there's undoubtedly an element of rationalization in that I was certainly interested in the positive aspects of membership, just as I was interested in joining a fraternity in college, not just any but one that had numerous athletes and campus leaders. It's a beautiful club, tremendous service, the squash facilities best in the state, and the membership definitely a who's who in the region (absent some notable exclusions!).
But yes, quite a few stuffed shirts. Less so the athletes.
I knew that the world in which such clubs had existed and thrived goes way back, in the MD Club's case since 1857. But my experience in this 'blue blood' world was sort of half in, half not...with my dad being Catholic and let's say 'aspiring' while my mother had some deep roots from New Orleans high society, but not serious old money. I was 'in' through family and education, but I knew I was not old money like some of the bluest of the blue blood set. So, I had a bit of my dad's edge, though less than him...but I also expected, from my educational experience, which had been far more diverse than my parent's generation's experience much less theirs, that such clubs were very likely to need to change...and I expected that change to be much swifter and easier to accomplish than it proved to be.
So, one could say I was overly optimistic. But I did help drive change by speaking up at every opportunity (meetings, around the lunch table, sauna, etc) and ultimately by proposing for membership my buddy, who played football and lax at Gilman with me, then lax at Harvard, then went to Harvard Law and Stanford Business School. Perfect SAT's...happens to be African American. You gonna turn this guy down? If they had, I'd have quit. Same for when Damian Davis, football and lax star at Gilman, then Princeton joined, went to work for Eddie Brown at Brown Capital (Wall Street Week)...gonna turn him down? Nope. Quite a few similar have joined, but difficult to get those with aspirations at larger companies, firms, etc, given the legacy aspects that over hung the club...and of course it has become less relevant as a result.
But before that happened, we were there for a crab feast in the main dining hall; table mates were three other couples, each a guy from Dartmouth where my wife and I went and their wives. All black staff at the time except the club manager, all white membership. Dixie Land band strikes up "Dixie" and half the membership stood up and put their hands over their hearts and sang along...we were horrified, didn't know what to do. Midway, I got up and went to the staff watching and said I was sorry, stood with them...30 years later at her retirement party, the lead staff person at the time came up to me and gave me a big hug and told me how much that had meant to her and other staff members to know there were members who didn't agree with it.
The following year we got in our first black member, then my buddy right on his heels. Was it enough? Probably not. But broke through.
Women were a tougher sell. Frustrating. Small steps, but couldn't seem to overcome guys simply not getting it that the club had a significant role in glass ceiling social and economic construct...they just didn't see it, their stay at home or less ambitious wives didn't care (and that was great with them)...those with wives that did, generally quit...my wife cared, but wasn't pissed off as much as amused by it, the anachronism of it. And she knew that the squash gave me a great outlet for my competitive athletic needs, heck of a lot better than if I'd spent hours and hours on a golf course or was constantly going on hunting or fishing trips with my buddies. She knew where I stood.
Squash fit my talents well (ex lax goalie) and I won multiple tournaments, state level etc and had a ton of fun on the doubles court. It was only when my hips began to give way that I slowed that down.
But over the years, I would definitely say that the caliber of guys who joined was impacted by the exclusionary aspects of the club and I pretty much only frequented the athletic side, other than the occasional family dinners there, the Annual Christmas Party, etc...My wife, my buddy I'd brought in mentioned above, and I had a consulting firm together for awhile and we purposely used the club to host business meetings (no business supposedly allowed, but if you closed the doors to the "Duck Room" etc) you could do so. Impressive with out of town clients.
But I really was not using the club actively and wasn't involved enough to have a voice, so resigning after my dad passed became something I reconsidered. I had held on in his latter years, because I often joined him for lunch at the big table next to the locker rooms after a workout or game. He loved to talk with the younger guys and I enjoyed that time together.
As I said, my son and a couple of his buddies are members now, though all are out of town...whether they'll sustain that membership (cheap for young out of town members) will be interesting. It will also be interesting to see whether adding women makes it substantially easier to attract good members. Or if it's too late.