Atlantic Article

[pcowlax]

I think that the story of the family paying $110,000 for coaching and clubs but not understanding the athleticism of DI lacrosse is questionable. However, if you speak to enough people, and find someone with a lot of excess cash, I guess it's possible.

Much to discuss in there but I again agree with this. If you grow up playing in Fairfield County and play FCIAC in high school, by the time you are hitting showcases in high school you will play played with and against literally dozens of future D1 players, including likely multiple D1 all-americans. It beggars credulity that someone could not realize what they are "up against" in terms of recruiting competition until late in the game growing up there. This is the sort of story you would hear from someone growing up playing in Louisiana and then arriving at a top camp for the first time as a 16 year old. Also, agree with others that 16 showcases is ludicrous. I imagine that the warning signs were flashing for years that this kid was not going to end up being recruited to the level his family hoped but that they were ignored through willful blindness.

[Laxxal22]

Sounds like nobody was honest with this family and they weren't honest with themselves. Lacrosse is a "niche" sport, but you still have to be a heck of an athlete to play D1 or reputable D2/D3. The days of average athletes getting looks/admissions assistance to desirable schools (how I got into college) are over. If you can't see that over the course of attending 16 showcases, then you're being willfully delusional.

[Henpecked]

I imagine that the warning signs were flashing for years that this kid was not going to end up being recruited to the level his family hoped but that they were ignored through willful blindness.

I think they call those "Mom and Dad Goggles".

The cost is absurd. I see it with the travel teams around here in SE Pennsylvania. Parents traveling to Orlando, Annapolis, Virginia, Long Island and California year-round for tournaments. I've heard estimates around $12-15K at year for travel, meals, hotels, rental cars, club fees and equipment. You get there pretty quickly when you play three seasons of club sports. And if you have multiple kids playing at the same time...

This whole thing makes no financial sense whatsoever. But I think for some, it is tough to say no to their kids.

And for those will unlimited finances, I don't really see the harm in it. Seems like a good opportunity to spend time with your kids on the road and compete at a high level with a chance to get into an elite institution. Better than paying off college coaches and administrators, I guess.

[socalref]

We had a blast with club. A core of 8~10 local boys stayed pretty constant from 3~12 grade. Even in HS when they all went to a few different schools, the boys would still come back to club a few times a year. Mostly regional trips. Del Mar in December. Sonoma, Vegas, Denver. One or two East Coast trips. The boys made lasting friends and the parents had fun running around as a group. Travel could get expensive at times, but they were short little vacations. Especially Sonoma. Without club, most of the West Coast kids aren't going to get the exposure or experience they need to reach the college level.

For the most part, the boys wind up where they want to. Many don't play in college. A few play club. Some go D2 and D3. A very small handful make D1. A majority fall out after they get to school for a year or two. The grind is harder than they want college to be. Riding the pine after being a HS hot rod is no fun. They discover other interests. The weather back east is NOT Southern California. The ones who were not multi sport often don't understand or appreciate the long days at the higher level schools and program. Lacrosse out here is year round with the weather, but I've never seen a SoCal HS program that grinds the boys like a HS football team does with 7AM before school lifts and practice until 7PM at night.

[DMac]

I think all have to admit that whatever the system, there are an awful lot of very good and talented lacrosse players, on both the M and W side, playing the game these days so something is working. Guess the question is, how many are being missed/left behind because of the cost...many just can't afford this. As noted, I find the system revolting, it's loaded with parents who see what they want to see and not how "good" (many are just not) their kids really are (not). My impression is that many/some of these parents are into it more for themselves so they can wear their Hockey/Lacrosse Mom sweatshirts and tell everyone where they're going for the must play in tournie this week end. I find the clique to be loaded with phonies, particularly at the youth level (pre teen) who are BSing themselves as to the reason they're there and how good their kids are. I prefer the days you had to make a team and see the playing field because you were among the best rather than because your parents could stroke the check and afford the road trips on top of that. Very thankful I and my kids missed this era of pay to play.

[jersey shore lax]

$10,000 cost for club team is a lot of money but many family's spend $10,000 to send their kid to summer camp, but you will never regret the 6-8 weekends you get to spend with your kid. The hotels, pools, meals and even the long car rides, I have learned to accept rap and my kids have learned about The Dead, Springsteen and Neil Young.

Every family is different, when it is your oldest kid and you are going through it the first time it is easy to get sold but when you have been through it once or twice you have the experience to wade through the river of BS. But to think this is a Fairfield County thing or a lacrosse thing is no true. This might be what we all know but trust me, talk to parents of competitive dance, Softball, cheer or pretty much any other activity. Time and Money.

Good luck to everyone, try to enjoy the ride and try to make sure the kids are happy.

I am so lucky to be done with this and yet I am so jealous of all of you that get to grow through this.

[socalref]

I am so lucky to be done with this and yet I am so jealous of all of you that get to grow through this.

That’s the winning quote. Glad it’s behind us. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.

[DMac]

$10,000 cost for club team is a lot of money but many family's spend $10,000 to send their kid to summer camp, but you will never regret the 6-8 weekends you get to spend with your kid. The hotels, pools, meals and even the long car rides, I have learned to accept rap and my kids have learned about The Dead, Springsteen and Neil Young.

Can appreciate this, jsl. My son and d-in-law have a riot with this stuff, but believe me it's more about her than what she sees as her hockey prodigy (he wouldn't make the team if Daddy couldn't stroke the check). It's all fine and dandy until I hear the hockey schollie talk coming out of her mouth....sold on it all hook, line, and sinker and there are several others in the group who are the same. I don't say much about it all and I'm glad they're having fun.
Bet the kids are listening to Fleetwood Mac these days too, eh?
Check this gal out...pretty incredible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1LhC1zGouc

[xxxxxxx]

It was cheaper a few years ago but I would have paid double for the time I spent with my boys on those lacrosse weekends. The people we met, the places we went, I miss it very much. Yes maybe there are some parents you don't like but focus on the positive and enjoy it, soon enough they will move out of your house and you will wish you were going to a hot dusty lacrosse field for a tournament.

The college part will work itself out, if you kid loves the game and is willing to put in the work he can play somewhere. They all can't play big time D1 but between lower D1, D2 D3 and club there is virtually a place for everyone. I help coach at a small struggling D3 school and we are willing to give anyone a chance to be part of the team regardless of experience.

Finally, I also wouldn't use The Atlantic to line my bird cage if I had one, complete rag,

[Matnum PI]

podcast reaction: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/coll ... 5_42-07_00

I think these guys have the right idea. This article is pretty funny...

[Laxfan#1969]

$10,000 cost for club team is a lot of money but many family's spend $10,000 to send their kid to summer camp, but you will never regret the 6-8 weekends you get to spend with your kid. The hotels, pools, meals and even the long car rides, I have learned to accept rap and my kids have learned about The Dead, Springsteen and Neil Young.

Every family is different, when it is your oldest kid and you are going through it the first time it is easy to get sold but when you have been through it once or twice you have the experience to wade through the river of BS. But to think this is a Fairfield County thing or a lacrosse thing is no true. This might be what we all know but trust me, talk to parents of competitive dance, Softball, cheer or pretty much any other activity. Time and Money.

Good luck to everyone, try to enjoy the ride and try to make sure the kids are happy.

I am so lucky to be done with this and yet I am so jealous of all of you that get to grow through this.

Spot on...especially your last line...

I'm lucky that I still get to watch my boys play college lacrosse at a very high level every weekend from Feb to May...but

I miss the time I spent with them during these summer trips...we had fun and it never seemed like a burden. It was their choice and if they said it was too much, we would have pumped the brakes immediately...I don't miss it...but I really do...if that makes sense

[Matnum PI]

"Dan Walsh, a two-time Olympian who runs a crew consultancy in Norwalk, Connecticut, says the upward spiral of competitiveness in recherché sports like fencing, squash, crew, water polo, and lacrosse has been remarkable to witness."

Really, Lacrosse is like fencing, squash, crew, and water polo. Really...

[DMac]

It's definitely still viewed that way by many. Met a young man from West By God Virginia last week end who had been in the Cuse for about a year and a half. Asked him if he had been to a Cuse lax game yet. He just laughed and said, that game played by a bunch of rich, white boy, prima donnas? Still got a long way to go to overcome that image/stereotype.

[FannOLax]

It's definitely still viewed that way by many. Met a young man from West By God Virginia last week end who had been in the Cuse for about a year and a half. Asked him if he had been to a Cuse lax game yet. He just laughed and said, that game played by a bunch of rich, white boy, prima donnas? Still got a long way to go to overcome that image/stereotype.

Yes indeed. I got pretty much that same exact response from a New York City native baseball fan when I told him that I prefer watching lacrosse.

[Matnum PI]

There's a truth to it. Football, basketball, and baseball (public school sports) are different than soccer, hockey, and lacrosse (prep school sports). With this said, prep schools also play football, basketball, and baseball and publics play soccer and lacrosse. (Hockey, not so much, but some do.) Bottomline, soccer was a meh sport decades ago and, currently, everyone plays. Lacrosse has a similar trajectory. These six sports are major american sports. as for water polo, fencing, crew, squash... c'mon. These are niche sports. Not lacrosse. Golf, tennis, and swimming, for much of the country, are country club sports. these are also very different from lacrosse. skiing, similar. but not lacrosse. decades ago, maybe. but not today.

[pcowlax]

"Dan Walsh, a two-time Olympian who runs a crew consultancy in Norwalk, Connecticut, says the upward spiral of competitiveness in recherché sports like fencing, squash, crew, water polo, and lacrosse has been remarkable to witness."

Really, Lacrosse is like fencing, squash, crew, and water polo. Really...

Oh yeah, I can't tell you how many kids these days I see walking around town holding their épée. While I appreciate the use of "recherché", lumping lacrosse in with those other is nonsense. At the high school level, in academic year 2018-2019, some incomplete numbers for boys are:

Sport- # of high schools participating # of participants

Lacrosse- 3026 113,702
Water Polo- 862 22,475
Fencing- 123 2401

Crew not listed and squash very under reported. It is clear of course that all of those others combined do not have more than 1/3 of the participation of lax. The fact that they would consider lumping it in with these others is reflecting the continued impression (or, given The Atlantic, an attempt to push the narrative of a continued impression) that lax remains the province of Muffy and Throckmorton, who put in a turf field in the back for Tripp to train on. No doubt it remains popular in wealthy areas but I fail to see how this in itself is a bad thing. If you grow up playing sports, you are going to be drawn to sports that are popular in the area, there is a reason so many great hockey players come from Minnesota and it isn't privilege. The spread of lax hasn't been as fast as many including myself would like but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Look at the number of high schools with teams now vs 30-40 years ago, its remarkable. While high rankings are dominated by private schools, participation has spread well beyond that. It is true there is not much lax to be found in lower socioeconomic areas. Some of that absolutely is due to the cost of the sport. Much of it however, despite some being unwilling to acknowledge this, is just due to lack of interest. It is not a sport that has been on TV, does not have celebrity endorsers, does not have an Xbox game. There is not always something nefarious if kids in an area without lacrosse, who therefore have no interest in playing, don't end up playing. Sure, if they played they might like it and that is a reason to attempt to continue expanding the sport but compared to something like crew or water polo, where access to rivers/lakes/pools does indeed provide a barrier of exclusivity, the tired cliché that lacrosse= Darien/Deerfield is lazy nonsense.

[viper]

Seems like an apt location for this.....many of you have probably seen this one before (Rick Reilly, Sports Illustrated)

https://vault.si.com/vault/2006/07/31/the-parent-trap

I went out to get my paper this morning and found my neighbor Dalton instead.

He was slumped on my stoop, looking as though he'd slept under a marching band. His eyes sported five-pound bags, his right hand was bandaged and bloody, and his face was sunk like a bad soufflé.

"My God!"I said. "What happened to you? You look like a 20-car funeral!"

"Youth lacrosse happened to me," he grumbled. "The Competitive Elite Lacrosse League. My little Ashley made one of those 'travel teams.' Pray it never happens to you, dude."

He explained."See, I really never thought Ashley was all that hot at lacrosse, and she's only 14. But when she made this competitive team, all the parents said it was a big honor. They said it's the only way to make your high school varsity, and it's the road to a scholarship, and it looks great on your résumé.

"I'm not even sure Ashley wanted to do it. But all of her friends made it, so she just had to do it. What was I gonna do? Tell my little girl no?

"Next thing you know, I'm writing a check for $1,500. Then it turns out, they practice or play seven days a week on these things. And it's clear across town, so pretty soon I'm standing on the sidelines every day of the week.

"My wife can't do it 'cause she has to take Justin to hockey every day. Why an eight-year-old nearsighted kid needs a 42-game schedule is beyond me. What is he, Wayne Gretzky? Plus there's pylon camp and forecheck camp and backward-skating lessons with his personal coach, Hans.

"So pretty soon I got no life. Family dinners? Forget it. Every meal is in the car--right handed Taco Bell. I almost never see my wife awake. When I do, I have to ask for I.D.

"Then this lunatic lacrosse coach schedules an extra 6 a.m. practice every day. It's like the old bottle-feeding days. I'd be like, 'I got her last time. You get her.'And Denise would moan, 'I had to stay up for Midnight Madness last night. Your turn.' Then, at night Ashley is so tired, we end up doing her dang homework!And we're gettin' C's!

"Anyway,Ashley and I started flying to all these stupid tournaments--Dallas and Baltimore and, my God, Ottawa!--and every one is billed as 'the recruiting event of the year!' And do you know who we see at these tournaments? The same damn girls we used to play in our neighborhood league! Essentially, we're flying across the country to get our ass kicked by the same exact people!

"So I start talking to these girls' parents, and it turns out they don't really want to be there either, but their kids were saying we were going to do it, so they had to!

"But then my wife gets to talking to some other moms at Justin's slap shot workshop, and they say we're crazy if we don't have a 'performance-enhancement specialist' for our kids. So she signs them both up with one. Then she finds out most of these girls have 'recruiting consultants' who make highlight reels of kids and send them to college coaches. I'm like, 'She's 14!' And my wife is like,'You're gonna tell our little girl no?' Then we add a rating-service guy and as ports psychologist and a webmaster.

"Well, what with me working half time and all this crap I'm paying for and all these trips,I had to take out a second mortgage. Denise can't work because she's spending every waking moment in a freezing ice rink, which makes her joints stiffen up.Luckily, Hans knows some New Age massage technique that makes her feel better.

"So now I'm getting no sleep, turning my stomach into a Dumpster and having less sex than a dead monk. But before I can put my foot down, my boss does. He fires me! And as he's firing me, he adds, 'By the way, the average lacrosse scholarship is$1,000, you putz!' So I punch him, and now I think my hand might be broken.

"I stomp out and go find Ashley to say, 'It's over.' And she goes, 'Whatever. I quit today anyway. My sports psychologist says you guys push me too hard.'

"Nice. So I go home to tell Denise, but she's not there. Three days go by. I figure she's at the Elite Competitive Hockey palooza in Cheyenne. Turns out she moved in with Hans. Says she wants to be with someone who 'knows' her. Oh, and she really likes massages.

"So now I get home and somebody changed the locks! Probably the mortgage company, since I'm way behind.

"And do you know what I learned from all this, man? I learned that the most viciously competitive sport in the world is parenting.

"Anyway, what I wanted to ask you is--you wanna buy some lacrosse sticks?

[Comeonman]

podcast reaction: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/coll ... 5_42-07_00

I think these guys have the right idea. This article is pretty funny...

These buttheads had a blast mocking the subjects of the article, but the joke is on them when they pronounce New Canaan as “New Cannon” and Darien as if they were referring to Daryl Hannah in “Wall Street”. My favorite is when the one dude pronounces faux as (Guy) “Fawkes”.

[Matnum PI]

also, the confusing Stanford and Stamford.

[Typical Lax Dad]

Seems like an apt location for this.....many of you have probably seen this one before (Rick Reilly, Sports Illustrated)

https://vault.si.com/vault/2006/07/31/the-parent-trap

I went out to get my paper this morning and found my neighbor Dalton instead.

He was slumped on my stoop, looking as though he'd slept under a marching band. His eyes sported five-pound bags, his right hand was bandaged and bloody, and his face was sunk like a bad soufflé.

"My God!"I said. "What happened to you? You look like a 20-car funeral!"

"Youth lacrosse happened to me," he grumbled. "The Competitive Elite Lacrosse League. My little Ashley made one of those 'travel teams.' Pray it never happens to you, dude."

He explained."See, I really never thought Ashley was all that hot at lacrosse, and she's only 14. But when she made this competitive team, all the parents said it was a big honor. They said it's the only way to make your high school varsity, and it's the road to a scholarship, and it looks great on your résumé.

"I'm not even sure Ashley wanted to do it. But all of her friends made it, so she just had to do it. What was I gonna do? Tell my little girl no?

"Next thing you know, I'm writing a check for $1,500. Then it turns out, they practice or play seven days a week on these things. And it's clear across town, so pretty soon I'm standing on the sidelines every day of the week.

"My wife can't do it 'cause she has to take Justin to hockey every day. Why an eight-year-old nearsighted kid needs a 42-game schedule is beyond me. What is he, Wayne Gretzky? Plus there's pylon camp and forecheck camp and backward-skating lessons with his personal coach, Hans.

"So pretty soon I got no life. Family dinners? Forget it. Every meal is in the car--right handed Taco Bell. I almost never see my wife awake. When I do, I have to ask for I.D.

"Then this lunatic lacrosse coach schedules an extra 6 a.m. practice every day. It's like the old bottle-feeding days. I'd be like, 'I got her last time. You get her.'And Denise would moan, 'I had to stay up for Midnight Madness last night. Your turn.' Then, at night Ashley is so tired, we end up doing her dang homework!And we're gettin' C's!

"Anyway,Ashley and I started flying to all these stupid tournaments--Dallas and Baltimore and, my God, Ottawa!--and every one is billed as 'the recruiting event of the year!' And do you know who we see at these tournaments? The same damn girls we used to play in our neighborhood league! Essentially, we're flying across the country to get our ass kicked by the same exact people!

"So I start talking to these girls' parents, and it turns out they don't really want to be there either, but their kids were saying we were going to do it, so they had to!

"But then my wife gets to talking to some other moms at Justin's slap shot workshop, and they say we're crazy if we don't have a 'performance-enhancement specialist' for our kids. So she signs them both up with one. Then she finds out most of these girls have 'recruiting consultants' who make highlight reels of kids and send them to college coaches. I'm like, 'She's 14!' And my wife is like,'You're gonna tell our little girl no?' Then we add a rating-service guy and as ports psychologist and a webmaster.

"Well, what with me working half time and all this dump I'm paying for and all these trips,I had to take out a second mortgage. Denise can't work because she's spending every waking moment in a freezing ice rink, which makes her joints stiffen up.Luckily, Hans knows some New Age massage technique that makes her feel better.

"So now I'm getting no sleep, turning my stomach into a Dumpster and having less sex than a dead monk. But before I can put my foot down, my boss does. He fires me! And as he's firing me, he adds, 'By the way, the average lacrosse scholarship is$1,000, you putz!' So I punch him, and now I think my hand might be broken.

"I stomp out and go find Ashley to say, 'It's over.' And she goes, 'Whatever. I quit today anyway. My sports psychologist says you guys push me too hard.'

"Nice. So I go home to tell Denise, but she's not there. Three days go by. I figure she's at the Elite Competitive Hockey palooza in Cheyenne. Turns out she moved in with Hans. Says she wants to be with someone who 'knows' her. Oh, and she really likes massages.

"So now I get home and somebody changed the locks! Probably the mortgage company, since I'm way behind.

"And do you know what I learned from all this, man? I learned that the most viciously competitive sport in the world is parenting.

"Anyway, what I wanted to ask you is--you wanna buy some lacrosse sticks?

I am so glad to have missed that rat race. A friend of mine is a soccer guy. He has three boys...one played ACC, one played one year A-10 and then quit....the youngest is 13 or 14..... he lives in Fairfield County..... I sent him that Atlantic article and he sent me the following quote: “Many emotions and reactions to this since I know a few families like those represented in the piece. Truely crazy”

He then told me he is headed to England for three weeks. He sent his youngest son over last year for school because they have better soccer (at 40k pounds a year) and when he visits this year, he has to quarantine for two weeks so he said he may as well work out of a hotel in London for three weeks....his oldest son was in Sweden last year and in Greece this year trying to latch onto a team and my buddy is funding him.... he completely lacks self awareness!!