My son was asked to do some community service.
He was reading to prisoners.
I asked him how it was going.
He replied:
It has its prose and cons.
Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
- 44WeWantMore
- Posts: 1303
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:11 pm
- Location: Too far from 21218
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
C'mon I'man, you can't come on empty with that post.
A repeat posted long ago on LP. Was told I was going to go to hell for it by more than one poster.
Might be new to someone.
Three nuns met their fate in a horrible car accident while on their way to the Rectory.
They met St. Pete at the Pearly Gates where he told the girls he figured they had all
been good girls while on Earth but asked if there was anything any of the three wanted
to confess before passing through the gates to meet their Maker. Sister Catherine raised
her hand and when Pete asked what it is she wanted, she told him she had once touched
a man's penis with her hand. Pete thought about it for a second and told Catherine he didn't
think it was much of anything to worry about but maybe it's a good idea to rinse your hands
off in the Holy Water before passing through the Gates. So she did and through the Gates she
went. When the doors closed, Sister Elizabeth started heading to the Holy Water at which time
Pete said, you too touched a man's penis with your hand Sister Elizabeth? No, St. Pete, but i was
hoping I could gargle in the Holy Water before Sister Angelina sticks her asz in it.
A repeat posted long ago on LP. Was told I was going to go to hell for it by more than one poster.
Might be new to someone.
Three nuns met their fate in a horrible car accident while on their way to the Rectory.
They met St. Pete at the Pearly Gates where he told the girls he figured they had all
been good girls while on Earth but asked if there was anything any of the three wanted
to confess before passing through the gates to meet their Maker. Sister Catherine raised
her hand and when Pete asked what it is she wanted, she told him she had once touched
a man's penis with her hand. Pete thought about it for a second and told Catherine he didn't
think it was much of anything to worry about but maybe it's a good idea to rinse your hands
off in the Holy Water before passing through the Gates. So she did and through the Gates she
went. When the doors closed, Sister Elizabeth started heading to the Holy Water at which time
Pete said, you too touched a man's penis with your hand Sister Elizabeth? No, St. Pete, but i was
hoping I could gargle in the Holy Water before Sister Angelina sticks her asz in it.
-
- Posts: 174
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 7:28 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Ok, so why do melons have to get married in a church?
Cuz they cantaloupe.
Cuz they cantaloupe.
"Dear Naps. Sorry I was such a jerk to you when I was a kid"
- 44WeWantMore
- Posts: 1303
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:11 pm
- Location: Too far from 21218
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
The President of IKEA was just elected as the new Swedish PM.
Reporter asked, "What is the first order of business?"
Answer: "Assembling my Cabinet."
Reporter asked, "What is the first order of business?"
Answer: "Assembling my Cabinet."
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 287
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
A woman goes to her doctor and examines the possibility of having her labia operated on.
They are far too big.
She also asks the doctor to keep the operation secret, because she thinks it is embarrassing and that she wants
no one to know.
The doctor agrees to this.
When she wakes up after the operation, she finds three roses beautifully
placed on the table next to the bed. She feels offended and immediately calls the doctor and says:
- I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about the operation !?
- Do not worry, says the doctor. I have not told anyone.
The first rose is from me, because I admire you for going through this all alone. The other rose is from my nurse.
She assisted me during the operation and has also undergone the same operation herself.
- But the third rose then? she asks.
- Well, says the doctor, that rose comes from a guy upstairs in the burn ward. He wants to thank you for his new ears.
They are far too big.
She also asks the doctor to keep the operation secret, because she thinks it is embarrassing and that she wants
no one to know.
The doctor agrees to this.
When she wakes up after the operation, she finds three roses beautifully
placed on the table next to the bed. She feels offended and immediately calls the doctor and says:
- I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about the operation !?
- Do not worry, says the doctor. I have not told anyone.
The first rose is from me, because I admire you for going through this all alone. The other rose is from my nurse.
She assisted me during the operation and has also undergone the same operation herself.
- But the third rose then? she asks.
- Well, says the doctor, that rose comes from a guy upstairs in the burn ward. He wants to thank you for his new ears.
The parent, not the coach.
- youthathletics
- Posts: 14437
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:36 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
~Livy
- 44WeWantMore
- Posts: 1303
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:11 pm
- Location: Too far from 21218
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
-
- Posts: 1314
- Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2018 11:58 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Chinese couple on their honeymoon.
Husband:, Ohh I know you virgin. I be very gentle
Wife: I talk to my girlfriends, I know what I want.
Husband: What you want?
Wife: I want #69.
Husband: You want Beef with Broccoli?
Husband:, Ohh I know you virgin. I be very gentle
Wife: I talk to my girlfriends, I know what I want.
Husband: What you want?
Wife: I want #69.
Husband: You want Beef with Broccoli?
"I would never want to belong to a club that would have me as a member", Groucho Marx
- youthathletics
- Posts: 14437
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:36 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
~Livy
- 44WeWantMore
- Posts: 1303
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:11 pm
- Location: Too far from 21218
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
This one's for Ffg, right up your alley, brotha.
I met an older woman at the bar last night. She looked pretty good for a sixty year old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really
hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's
Double? "What is that?", I asked. "It's a mother-daughter threesome.", she said. As my
mind began to embrace the idea and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said,
"No I haven't." We drank a bit more then she said with a wink, "Tonight's your lucky
night." We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted
upstairs, "Mom, you still awake?"
I met an older woman at the bar last night. She looked pretty good for a sixty year old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really
hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's
Double? "What is that?", I asked. "It's a mother-daughter threesome.", she said. As my
mind began to embrace the idea and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said,
"No I haven't." We drank a bit more then she said with a wink, "Tonight's your lucky
night." We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted
upstairs, "Mom, you still awake?"
- 44WeWantMore
- Posts: 1303
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:11 pm
- Location: Too far from 21218
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
-
- Posts: 174
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 7:28 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
"What do parrots like to eat at Super Bowl Parties? "
"Squackamole"
"Squackamole"
"Dear Naps. Sorry I was such a jerk to you when I was a kid"
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
It has been proven a hundred times that the surest way to the heart of any man, black or white, honest or dishonest, is through justice and fairness.
Charles Francis "Socker" Coe, Esq
Charles Francis "Socker" Coe, Esq
- Jim Malone
- Posts: 287
- Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:27 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
A mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that he would hear nothing so he would not be able to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront him about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is! The lawyer, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper, Where's the money? The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about?"
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeepers head and says, "Ask him again. Tell him if he doesn't tell me I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
The bookkeeper trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that he would hear nothing so he would not be able to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront him about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is! The lawyer, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper, Where's the money? The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about?"
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeepers head and says, "Ask him again. Tell him if he doesn't tell me I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
The bookkeeper trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
The parent, not the coach.
- youthathletics
- Posts: 14437
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:36 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
"Men. Have you ever gotten in trouble with your lady cuz you communicated rationally?"
best quote ever.
On a side note, I received an email recently, and his email signature was hilarious:
My wife just stopeed and said "You where not even listening to me where you"?
I thought...."that's a weird way to start a conversation".
best quote ever.
On a side note, I received an email recently, and his email signature was hilarious:
My wife just stopeed and said "You where not even listening to me where you"?
I thought...."that's a weird way to start a conversation".
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
~Livy
- 44WeWantMore
- Posts: 1303
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:11 pm
- Location: Too far from 21218
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
Has any living man succeeded with "Please calm down"?
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
- 44WeWantMore
- Posts: 1303
- Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:11 pm
- Location: Too far from 21218
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
The police dusted Chris Rock's face.
They found fresh prints.
Daaaaad!
They found fresh prints.
Daaaaad!
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
- youthathletics
- Posts: 14437
- Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2018 7:36 pm
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
nice44WeWantMore wrote: ↑Sat Apr 02, 2022 11:49 am The police dusted Chris Rock's face.
They found fresh prints.
Daaaaad!
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
~Livy
Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!
It has been proven a hundred times that the surest way to the heart of any man, black or white, honest or dishonest, is through justice and fairness.
Charles Francis "Socker" Coe, Esq
Charles Francis "Socker" Coe, Esq