Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

A German Shepherd went to a telegram office and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” “But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

A teenager, his father and his grandfather go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is quite a beautiful woman. The lady turns to the three of them and says, “I don’t care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don’t try to coach me on my game”. The guys say okay and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are on her as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle.

She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. They get to the 18th and she has a 12-foot putt for par. She turns around and says, “You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I’ve never shot par before, and I’m going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy a favor he will never forget. ” The guys think, ‘what a deal!’

The kid walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, “Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup.” The father walks up and says, “Don’t listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup.” The grandpa looks at both of them in disgust, walks over picking up the ball, drops it into the cup, unzips his fly and says “That’s a Gimme.”
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
DD-Tech
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

woof! :lol:
DMac
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DMac »

:lol: Beauty, Nigel.
Classic example of with age comes wisdom.
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Jim Malone
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Skinny dipping in farmer's pond

Post by Jim Malone »

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years....

He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic
tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in
his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond . Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.
The parent, not the coach.
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youthathletics
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by youthathletics »

At AOC's fake photo shoot, she had no idea Joe was lurking.

Image
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
DD-Tech
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

Got this one from sore+old today:

A man goes to Confession and says,"Bless me Father, I used a bad word. The Priest asked under what circumstances. The man said he was playing golf. He said on the 8th hole he hit the ball in the woods, but that's not when he said it. On the 14th hole he hit it in the lake but that's not when he said it. The man said on the 18th hole, his Tee Shot was one foot from the cup. The Priest said," You missed the fu*** putt?

:lol:
DMac
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DMac »

People who don't know the difference between burro and burrow don't know their a-s-s from a hole in the ground. :D
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youthathletics
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by youthathletics »

A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
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youthathletics
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by youthathletics »

A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
Farfromgeneva
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Farfromgeneva »

Why are there so many tree lined streets in Paris?






Germans like to march in the shade.
Same sword they knight you they gon' good night you with
Thats' only half if they like you
That ain't even the half what they might do
Don't believe me, ask Michael
See Martin, Malcolm
See Jesus, Judas; Caesar, Brutus
See success is like suicide
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Jim Malone
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Indian in Bar!

Post by Jim Malone »

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee . . .

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

"Training for a position in United States Congress . . . Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

HAGWE! :mrgreen:
The parent, not the coach.
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Brooklyn
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Brooklyn »

^ off topic but inspired by your tale:


https://newsmaven.io/indiancountrytoday ... uE4fry_jg/


Image


Image
It has been proven a hundred times that the surest way to the heart of any man, black or white, honest or dishonest, is through justice and fairness.

Charles Francis "Socker" Coe, Esq
DMac
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DMac »

Got a kick out of JM's tale. :lol:

Knew about Smith/Silverheels, what do you figure the odds are that, Bottom row L to R the sixth guy, Sid Smith, is related to this guy? A mighty good one, I might add.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sid_Smith_(lacrosse)
....and are Harry/Silverheels and Sid brothers?
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Jim Malone
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The Nude Beach

Post by Jim Malone »

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have breasts bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:











'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

:mrgreen:
The parent, not the coach.
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Jim Malone
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3 Irishmen in a Bar

Post by Jim Malone »

3IRISHMENINBAR.jpg
3IRISHMENINBAR.jpg (75.38 KiB) Viewed 3564 times
I'll find the door! :mrgreen:
The parent, not the coach.
DMac
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DMac »

That's beauty, JM. Geezuz H!
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

3 europeans come to America.
They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them.
But the europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach.
The native american says "Shove it up your rump, if you laugh we kill you."
So, he shoves the peach up his rump and he laughs, and the native americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape.
The native american tells him the same thing.
He laughs and the native american kills him.
They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, "Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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youthathletics
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by youthathletics »

Thought this was quite funny....and true.

https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/ ... e=5E68E204
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
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