Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

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Brooklyn
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Brooklyn »

Words of Wisdom from Philadelphia's WC Fields:


It has been proven a hundred times that the surest way to the heart of any man, black or white, honest or dishonest, is through justice and fairness.

Charles Francis "Socker" Coe, Esq
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Jim Malone
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Jim Malone »

2A7410DB-EE85-4AEE-9770-6C5C7149E718.jpeg
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The parent, not the coach.
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Jim Malone
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Jim Malone »

Jesus and Moses are playing golf, they come to the 13th hole a 175 yard par 3 over water.

Jesus say to Moses, "it's a 7 iron, Moses says no it's a 6 iron, Jesus says no it's a 7, Moses says no it's a 6", Jesus hits the 7 right into the water!

Moses parts the water and retrieves the ball and tosses it to Jesus, Moses says, "I told you it's a 6 iron! Jesus says no it's a 7" and proceeds to tee it up again and hits the 7 and the ball goes in the water, the guys behind them turn and say to Moses - "Who does he think he is, 'Jesus Christ' "?

Moses turns to them and says, "No, Jack Nicklaus"!
The parent, not the coach.
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44WeWantMore
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by 44WeWantMore »

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Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

Hope you're not shy.

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If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
ardilla secreta
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by ardilla secreta »

Jim Malone wrote: Mon May 11, 2020 12:25 pm 2A7410DB-EE85-4AEE-9770-6C5C7149E718.jpeg
Most of my cars including the current have been sticks. That shift from 3rd to 4th is a challenge. Must be a car from Down Under.
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RedFromMI
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by RedFromMI »

ardilla secreta wrote: Sat May 30, 2020 11:24 pm
Jim Malone wrote: Mon May 11, 2020 12:25 pm 2A7410DB-EE85-4AEE-9770-6C5C7149E718.jpeg
Most of my cars including the current have been sticks. That shift from 3rd to 4th is a challenge. Must be a car from Down Under.
:lol:

Actually - years ago my daughter, late wife, and I took a Christmas trip to Scotland where we rented a stick. I thought the biggest problem would be the shifter to my left instead of my right, but given that the pedal arrangement is the same (clutch/brake left foot, accelerator right foot) it was not a problem at all. Biggest issue was walking to the car and going to what was now the passenger door. I of course just turned it into being polite to her...
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

3 DOGS WALK INTO A BAR ..

The first dog, a big dog, walks to the bar and asks for 3 frothy beers. The barman is stunned and exclaims "What!? A talking dog! I can't believe it!"

The dog sighs. "I get this all the time! I'm a talking dog. Whoopty doo. My name is Huey and I do regular dog things. I chase cars, drag my arse on the carpet, eat bones and f#ck old socks." He takes the beers and returns to his seat.

15 minutes later the second dog, an even bigger dog, approaches the bar and orders 3 frothy beers. "You're kidding me! Another talking dog!?".

The dog sighs. "I get this all the time! I'm a talking dog. Whoopty doo. My name is Duey and I do regular dog things. I chase cars, drag my arse on the carpet, eat bones and f#ck old socks." He takes the beers and returns to his seat.

15 minutes later the third dog approaches the bar. The barman excitedly asks "Let me guess, your name is Luey and you do regular dog things too?"

"No." the dog replied, "My name is Socks and I've had a terrible day .. just get the f#cking beers."
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Jim Malone
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How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

Post by Jim Malone »

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to row then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to row over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as pid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say didn't we go through this already a short time ago?

13 to say do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

:mrgreen:
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

:lol: :lol: :lol:

And 1 to slap on the light bulb emoji - :idea:
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

Image
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

Never heard this 'Your Mama' joke before!

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If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Nigel
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Nigel »

With 2021 upon us here are my 2020 Thoughts & Observations

1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay home!
5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house and told my cat. We laughed a lot.
6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars and keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.
If we need that extra push over the cliff, ya know what we do...eleven, exactly.
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Jim Malone
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Jim Malone »

Hey kid, can I borrow your Twitter, Facebook or Instagram accounts for a quick minute?
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youthathletics
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by youthathletics »

:lol:
A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
6x6
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by 6x6 »

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Mick cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense!!

Irish cop says, "License and registration, please."

London lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

London lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that's the law. License and registration,please!"

London lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
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Matnum PI
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Matnum PI »

RT @ItsAndyRyan: [First day in office]
Me: Hi Ironic!
Her: My name is Joy
Me: Sorry, everyone told me your first name was Ironic. Oh wait...
Caddy Day
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Matnum PI
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by Matnum PI »

ho baby ;)@ThisLocalHater
6 hours ago
Me, pointing at your baby: I think your potato just barked
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SCLaxAttack
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by SCLaxAttack »

In honor of TV legend Betty White’s 99th birthday...

https://apple.news/A3w1rII3XSNyJpMxMGyj1Sw
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