Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

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thatsmell
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Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by thatsmell »

I think it went something like this:

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He has a crazed look in his eyes. He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Just do as he says. Honey be strong. I love you. "

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck sweetie, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay. He went into the bathroom to get some vaseline. Honey be strong- I love you, too!"
I never knew no Godfather. I got my own family, Senator."
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HooDat
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by HooDat »

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,

"I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't ejaculate at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman...

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan. "
STILL somewhere back in the day....

...and waiting/hoping for a tinfoil hat emoji......
DD-Tech
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

At the National Art Gallery in London, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely baffled.

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.Two of the figures had black peckers but the one in the middle had a pink one.The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.

After the curator left, a Welshman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'' Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?", asked the couple.'

Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no black men there at all.

They're just three Welsh coalminers and the man in the middle went home for lunch.
:shock:
DD-Tech
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

I heard something funny this morning driving to a meeting:

There is a group from PETA protesting in front of some upscale apartments in NYC. Doorman opens the doors for an older woman who comes out decked in furs.

PETA supported screams “do you know how many animals were killed to make that coat?”

Woman yells back “I know how many animals I had to f*ck to get it!”

:lol:
hickorystick
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by hickorystick »

Boy, the joke thread is starting out very strong, well done.

Better health plan..... :lol:
6x6
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:30 pm

Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by 6x6 »

Well DD it had to happen and it’s probably happened with other jokes as well. I posted this one several years ago on LP but I have no way to prove it now :evil: It’s still a good one.

My wife’s family is from Wales and we’ve been over many times, so it’s especially funny for me.
SCLaxAttack
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by SCLaxAttack »

hickorystick wrote:Boy, the joke thread is starting out very strong, well done.

Better health plan..... :lol:
+1, but no lacrosse board’s joke thread would be complete without the inimitable Jim Malone.

Does anyone know how to reach out to him? I need a Malone joke fix.
DD-Tech
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

6x6 wrote:Well DD it had to happen and it’s probably happened with other jokes as well. I posted this one several years ago on LP but I have no way to prove it now :evil: It’s still a good one.

My wife’s family is from Wales and we’ve been over many times, so it’s especially funny for me.
:lol:

I am expecting we will get a lot of repeats with the new thread! There were some great ones in those pages!
SCLaxAttack wrote:
hickorystick wrote:Boy, the joke thread is starting out very strong, well done.

Better health plan..... :lol:
+1, but no lacrosse board’s joke thread would be complete without the inimitable Jim Malone.

Does anyone know how to reach out to him? I need a Malone joke fix.
Yes... we need to track down Jim Malone. Especially for his annual 9/11 memorial post. We are coming up to another anniversary.
DD-Tech
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

Found a route to the laxpower archives... we may be able to salvage some of the the joke thread!

https://web.archive.org/web/20170924223 ... f3c2032adf
oldbartman
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by oldbartman »

Courtesy of Guy Fawkes


A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Guy Fawkes

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oldbartman
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by oldbartman »

I think DD Tech posted something very similar to this a while back....


3 young women are sitting having coffee late on a Sunday afternoon comparing Saturday night activities. The red head said " I went to some club and had a few too many drinks. It was dark and I started making out with a guy. He said he was going to get me another drink. A minute later I'm handed a drink and then start groping him right on the dance floor. Problem was it was a different guy." The brunette saif "that's nothing. I went to a party and saw my old college roommate. We got really high and ended up in bed together!". At which point the blonde said "Big deal. I got drunk and went home and blew Chunks". The red hed said "so what, everyone has done that". The blonde replied " you don't understand. Chunks is my dog"
DD-Tech
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

Had to go for a piss test at work today. Came back positive and they questioned me about the amount of opiates they found. I told them it was probably from the poppy seeds on my bagel...

then they asked me about the THC, cocaine, hallucinogens, and methamphetomines...


What the heck! ...it was an everything bagel!
:shock:
hickorystick
Posts: 44
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by hickorystick »

You know why God gave women yeast infections?
So they could experience what an irritating C word is like too.

(Caution, not a good one to tell the wife. Good one for the ex though. 8-))
DMac
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DMac »

HooDat wrote:A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,

"I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't ejaculate at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman...

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan. "
Just lettin' you know I've beat this one up pretty good, Hoo, it's a huge hit.
Thanks for posting.
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HooDat
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by HooDat »

DMac wrote:
HooDat wrote:A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,

"I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't ejaculate at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman...

As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan. "
Just lettin' you know I've beat this one up pretty good, Hoo, it's a huge hit.
Thanks for posting.
got it from my business partner's dad!
STILL somewhere back in the day....

...and waiting/hoping for a tinfoil hat emoji......
DD-Tech
Posts: 289
Joined: Tue Jan 30, 2018 8:44 pm

Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by DD-Tech »

:lol:
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holmes435
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by holmes435 »

In Alabama, "pumpkin" is a verb.
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holmes435
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by holmes435 »

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
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youthathletics
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Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by youthathletics »

A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself.
~Livy
6x6
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Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:30 pm

Re: Joke Time- Honey be Strong!

Post by 6x6 »

youthathletics wrote:Pretty funny....

https://www.instagram.com/p/BojvKUeF4q8 ... hare_sheet
I saw this one. https://goo.gl/images/wKi4xc

I actually saw him while the wife and I were visiting the Udvar-Hazy museum last Sunday. He looked ok then. salut
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